People do not understand each other because they try to understand each other. The problem with humankind is that we try to understand what is un-understandable.
Nobody really could be understood because there are a million factors which make you behave the way you behave. Your past lifetime impressions, the moment of conception (meaning the moment when someone or your parents intended to bring you to this world), the moment of delivery (normal birth or C-section), and the first 6 hours after birth (how long were you away from your mother?), the first 6 days and then the first six years(how much were you loved and welcomed?). All these factors control and affect you.
Understanding humans is a very complex thing, because even the atmosphere pressure, the temperature could act on the way you behave. Hence, there is no way you can understand the other. I’ll talk about the root of this matter at the end of this post.
The Art of Experiencing Others
Trying to understand another is like the peeling of an onion. You can peel and peel! But you would get nowhere. Therefore, the solution is to learn the art of experiencing the other.
Now when you learn this, then no matter whom the person is and what the other person is, there is sheer joy in the experience. Then you have a very beautiful relationship, but if you try to understand the other, today’s understanding will become tomorrow’s misunderstanding. It would just go away. So stop trying to understand the other.
How to have Understanding in a relationship?
The problem with human relationships is not just husband and wife. But, in every relationship is that we try to understand each other. That is all right up to a point. But then really you cannot understand anybody. For the simple reason, there is nobody there. I know this sounds esoteric.
There is somebody there you could understand. There is nobody there. What happening is, there is something going on changing all the time! That is which is changing all, the time.
How do you undertand your friend or partner?
Because there are innumerable factors that are creating that person from moment to moment. They are what happened in your past life, what happened when you are in the womb, what happened when you brought up, The people in the neighbourhood, cosmic energies, everything is working on the person.
Everyone is being born and dying every moment. So, how could you understand that person? It’s just not possible. The effort to understand is waste because there is nothing to understand.
How do you experience a person?
By the time you understood something, it would have changed. So, the best way is that in the relationship is to experience the person. You experience those changes in the person. The person is peaceful, next moment violent, the next moment very understanding and kind, the next moment he or she something else.
The Onion
For these reasons, it is an ongoing change and like you watch a movie, you enjoy it and you have the chance to experience each character. We have lost the art of experiencing anything that matters. Leave alone people. We are all the time trying to understand. Trying to understand is like peeling an onion.
Nothing would be left there. If you see the futility of understanding, it could stop on its own. That would be replaced by the art of experiencing the person.
Once you start experiencing the person no matter who your husband is, no matter who your wife is. It just does not matter. There only be joy, joy, and joy. Your nature of experience is joy.
A conflict free relationship or a perfect relationship does not exist in reality, life is a dynamic force. It offers each one of us a wide range of experiences. To look out for an ideal situation where you never argue, quarrel or get angry or express love and affection all the time, is only in one’s imagination.
On the contrary, a peaceful relationship is epitomized with a state of being where you just allow the other person to be himself or herself, and this is possible only when you realize the futility of trying to understand each other. Your perceptions and ideas might look very dear to you, but to expect that your partner must adopt the same framework creates the problem.
I have not seen a couple who could agree all the time. You are a resultant experience of several factors like the process of your birth, childhood, weather, the food that you consume and it is the same with your partner.
Each of you are unique in your approaches. Hence, expecting your spouse to have the same view is not intelligence. As you awaken to this truth, you begin to experience your spouse/partner which gives rise to joy.
For example as your wife is angry with you, if you could really connect with her and experience her anger like how you enjoy your morning walk or a cup of coffee, then that would be the most fulfilling moment in your marital life.
This exercise would certainly put the other person at ease since you’re not trying to complain or reject them. This is the ultimate solution for a healthy marital life.
Is there a different insight to understand others or anything?
Nowadays more and more people are single, many people cannot find their life partners and the divorce rate is getting higher and higher.
Spiritual awakening is the only solution to this problem. Now, you gonna say to me I don’t have the juice or resources to be spiritually awakened! This and that happened to me and I’m a hopeless case. I’d say to you that it can be your story in some sort for the time being and all that can shift when you let go of the bondages. I want you to intend the idea of awakening, think about and ponder it in your mind. This is the first step to upgrade any reality. Read and study the road to awakening.
Shift Your Focus of Attention
This idea was taught to me by Sri Bhagavan, Dr. Joe Vitale and Jack Canifield from their books. This concept is so subtle and that whatever is observed by you, caught your attention by affirming its energy becomes your reality. Let me give you an example from myself. On March 13th the virus (You Know it) officially came to Turkey.
The Virus & Me (Mental Game)!
My Whatsapp got bombarded by two charity groups I follow as I am an active member of them. One of the messages got my attention (I shouldn’t have read this message early in the morning “First 20 minutes”: I try to avoid this habit hence the subconscious is open for suggestions & anything strong that receives will set the energy of the day/weeks to come). The message was affirming the arrival of the virus and that it will come to everyone’s home and that if I don’t do this, that will happen.
Guess what happened?
I was caught off guard. I lost my common sense even my simple understanding of basic biology was gone 🙂 and that a virus sooner or later will somehow find a way through plastics or food I get from the market to be as a guest for at least three days at home with my family.
Man, my mind switched off and turned to survival mode, I became worried. I headed to the bedroom. My wife was asleep. I woke her up and told her not to send our daughter to school. This way I affirmed the paradigm of the issue and began to build fear and panic in my energy field. I became angry as some of my projects were canceled due to the pandemic! This took days regardless of my morning meditation. Until one morning during my deep session, I asked for help. I asked for a revelation.
Allow Allow Allow to Experience
I was inspired to let go and be with whatever is. I stopped looking at the flood of messages and videos talking about the issue. I didn’t watch the news except for the headlines but completely isolated myself from the energy field. Anytime I felt tensity or heaviness I put my hand on the area and took conscious deep breaths. I played chakra sounds in my home and lit candles safely. I did this just to accept whatever was coming to me and allowing it to be. Ten days later, I was in a different energy field and it was strange as I saw people reacting to the situation. I only observed and sent healing, gratitude, and love energy. I prayed for the planet and the planet felt just fine.
The Ultimate Meaning of Life
The wonderful meaning of living life is to experience it fully and so is a relationship. It is hard to pick the best relationship for you unless you want to manipulate the other. What happens when you pick or try to understand others, you kindda want to make sure that they won’t harm you. So, the energy is avoidance but no allowance which generates disharmony since you think you try or do understand the person.
The Root of the Matter
When we try to understand someone because of a problem we build a blockage which means disharmony. The notion of trying to understand others comes from trying to understand life. Everything in existence is a relationship. When you experience someone, you experience the Divine in that person. All experiences are Godly. However, we try to avoid experiencing the bad as well and prefer to be alone which means we try to block the Divine which is our essence.
Life Package (Experience)= Awesome + Terrible
It is okay to be or wish to have an intimate relationship with someone. The problem is
when you disregard the bad in any relationship you block out all life in the process. Being in a relationship means living life. Life equals the flow of the good and the bad. When you try to understand someone because of certain behavior and especially if what had been experienced wasn’t something you expect or have in your paradigm is the moment when you shall let go and allow whatever been presented to unfold.
Interference blocks the flow (bad) which blocks life and experience. For this reason, stop trying hard to understand others, stop trying hard to make your life only about the good not accepting the bad as this blocks grace from flowing. You then wonder why you have disharmony and heaviness. Honor the Divine and ask for revelation.
Comment by saying “This is odd or interesting!” and deliver your gratitude to what is. Acting so ignites the field to unfold. Remember that when you thank you interact with the source assuring your signal of energy to live but not exist and that all is and will be good.
I hope you enjoyed reading this post. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and suggestions.
Love & Gratitude
