Our ideas, both conscious and unconscious, are the main interference in love. They keep us from loving, and they create a lens through which we view the other—a lens that is often muddied by misconceptions, hurt, fear, and past relationships, including those with parents. We see the other not as he or she actually is, but as we suppose he or she is. The other, of course, does the same. Many books have been written about this phenomenon because it is at the heart of most relationship difficulties.